Epic Fail

For those who are unaware, this month is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo. There are a number of copy-cat versions involving blogging, poetry and comic books but I am not concerned with those right now. The idea is that you write 50,000 words of fiction in one month. It's supposed to help get you writing and working past writer's block.

I fully intended on completing this challenge. However, when day one rolled around and I had no plot and only a few vague character outlines, I realized I was not likely to reach the word count. So I decided to modify the challenge for myself by making it about time. I decided that I would spend 1 hour each day writing. Alas, I haven't even been able to keep up with this demand. Not because I lack the time, but because I lack the will.

Four years of writing papers that you hate and researching things that mean very little to you really drains you of your drive and ambition. I used to be full of that stuff. Now I'm only full of that stuff when it comes to non-mental activities. I can go for walks, mindlessly web-surf or make cappuccinos for hours on end, but once I have to write something, my mind shuts off and decides that it hates me. The whole process just feels like a punishment.

I used to love writing, and to a certain extent, I still do. I think where I catch a snag is coming up with ideas. I've become conditioned to think that none of my ideas are good enough or planned out enough to go with. So I just sit there shooting down ideas until nothing is left.

Perhaps this is why I enjoy blogging. There's no fabrication of content because you're writing about your thoughts and experiences. It's all about describing what you know and feel. None of this tedious researching time periods and proper slang, no developing plot points or characters.You just say it like it is....and maybe fancy it up a bit.

Anyway...I suppose the point of all this is that I am publicly (sort of) confessing that I challenged myself and lost. I don't care to step up for this one. Which makes me a little sad, but I'm coming to terms with that.

Abandoned Houses

I came across this beautiful photography project online, 100 Abandoned Houses, looked outside and felt nostalgic. It was days exactly like this one when my friend and I would walk over to the abandoned house near our high school and spend our spares there. We'd invented identities, explored the decaying interior and imagined it was ours. Those were the days of adventure.

I hope you can sense the adventure in these pictures.

Technical question

If you wanted to write an autobiography, would you have to get permission from everyone you mention to put them in the book? I know you can alter names to get around that, but....sometimes people's names complete the person such that a different name would make them less interesting.

Thoughts? Comment?

Deep Thought of the Day

No one cares what you do. No one cares what you don't do. So, do what makes you happy because it's inconsequential to everyone but yourself.

Happy Atumnal Equinox!

Today at 9:04am was the autumnal equinox, but don't worry, you can celebrate it all day if you like. This day is all about balance, reflection and thankfulness. Apparently it is also traditional to eat or drink things that have been spiced with ginger.

I am thankful for a great many things. I've been fortunate enough to find my soul mate and to have the support of great friends and family. I was able to go to and graduate from university. And though it's not my ideal job, I do have a job which is a difficult thing to possess in this economy. I have my health, as do those around me. All in all, I'm doing pretty well.

But, for things to work toward, I would like to have a job that actually allows me to save money and thus pay off my loans. I also would like to push myself to take advantage of all that I can while I am young enough to enjoy it. Yes, I'm only 23, but I'm aware that it feels like I was 19 not long ago and thus I'll be in my late twenties in the blink of an eye. For some reason I feel a tremendous amount of pressure right now to make all the right moves and do all that I can before it's too late. I want to spend time with friends and have great adventures with them. I want to build fond memories. I want to be able to say with all honesty that I really lived my life.

What about you? What things are you thankful for and looking forward to?

Breaking News

I have just read something both incredibly mind-blowing and incredibly intuitive (as many mind-blowing things are) : Having strong relationships and friends that you can confide in can increase your life span more than quitting smoking!

So, just imagine the emphasis everyone puts of quitting smoking these days. These days, smoking is treated like a contagious disease. No one wants it near them and so many people judge smokers as harshly as any criminal. The primary complaint that people have is that it is wildly unhealthy, which it is, but so is having meaningless relationships, or no relationships.

It's easy to publicly acknowledge that someone smokes because you can't hide it very well and really, it's largely just affecting you (unless you're not a very considerate smoker who blows smoke right in people's faces). But even though you can identify (usually) when someone has no friends, we know instinctively that it is an awful fate that no one would wish upon another. It's so awful, we can't bear to acknowledge it publicly.

So, if you've been thinking that you'd like to see some positive change in your life, go make some friends. Say hi to a stranger, help someone out or call up an old acquaintance. It will serve you far better than just about anything else you could do for yourself.

Nuit Blanche : Guelph Style

Last night was a busy night for taxi drivers. Not only was it Orientation week, it was also the Jazz Festival AND Nuit Blanche and just as an added bonus, it was also a full moon! Downtown Guelph was packed with students, artists and patrons of the arts all taking in the vast array of entertainment.

There were free music shows all day and all night at the Jazz Festival Tent, as well as in various locations around downtown. There was funk in an alley, a brass band in the square and improvised jazz in City Hall. The art installations were also at least as good as anything I saw in Toronto's Nuit Blanche last year. A drum set being played by water dripping from IV bags, paper butterflies hanging in trees by the water's edge, and a video showing how children see the world accompanied by apples and penguin crackers for snacks. Even the gimmicky stuff was cool - an advice booth, an artist drawing portraits through verbal description alone, and fire-breathing buskers.

It was quite a spectacular night to behold and though I wasn't able to do or see everything, I was constantly entertained and amazed by the creativity coming from this great city. I greatly look forward to next year's round of installations and who knows, I might even join in!

Extremists

A close friend and I were discussing people from our past who had radically changed over the years since high school and this brought up a point that I'd like to share. Extremists are making good causes look ridiculous. This happens all the time, for every cause and it's annoying.

The particular evil that these people were combating was sexism. First off, sexism is pretty bad and has led to awful things, but there are worse evils. Like dying of starvation, or the ultimate sexist acts that make us wary of sexism to begin with. Second, there is certainly a scale of sexist offenses...rape being a pretty awful one and say 'mankind' a fairly mild one. Third, descriptions of factual observations are not sexist. Raising money for a women's shelter by selling kitchen products like aprons or oven mitts could be seen by some people to be sexist and may even contribute to the propagation of traditional gender roles...but it's raising money to help women. The overall good outweighs any possible bad. And let's take a look at the bad, shall we? No one is saying these aprons are to be used specifically by women. No one is saying that women must use aprons. But, ya know what? A lot of women enjoy cooking and many of them do so while wearing aprons. Not only that, but kitchen ware is a safe thing to sell because EVERYBODY EATS FOOD. And, might I add that I would vastly prefer buying an apron that I might actually use than one of those ugly little rubber bracelets all those charities are fond of these days.

Also, marketers do market research. It is also widely known that marketers do what they do, how they do it for one reason only and that is because it sells. "Green" products are everywhere these days because it sells. Food is marketed to women because women take up a large portion of habitual grocery shoppers. If you want to change who is targeted by certain products, change who buys them. Targeting a middle aged housewife for frozen dinners is actually progressive; it implies that they have better things to do than to sit around cooking.

I could go on about this, but I grow weary of this tired argument. Think before you complain about the state of the world. No, things aren't perfect, but a lot of people are trying really hard to improve things. Problem is, opinions differ as to what is an improvement. For some, it's all or nothing and for others, it's a slower progression of steady increments. Some people are realistic, and others are not. There must be some give and take, some compromise on some things in order for things to ultimately improve. To be honest, I think things have improved an awful lot, especially over the past century, so I'm pretty happy with things.

I Totally Cry Over Spilled Milk

I've noticed something about myself that I'm fairly certain is a rare trait for someone of my generation. I can't stand wasting anything. It's like I was born during the Great Depression. I once even convinced myself that it wasn't that gross to eat kiwis with the skins on, just so I wouldn't have to throw it away.

What really brought this to the forefront of my mind was this morning's milk escapade. So, here's the story. I've been limiting my dairy and grain intake and trying to increase the amount of meat and veggies I eat, which has actually helped me lose a wee bit of weight. I was trying it out because I had heard time and time again from different sources and for different reasons that dairy and grains aren't as good for you as the Canada Food Guide would have you believe and that filling up on proteins and veggies will basically perform every bodily miracle you can imagine. From beautiful skin, to long, glossy hair to weight loss and even improved mood and mental abilities. I figured it was worth a try at least. Anyway, this ties into the story because it led me to buy a carton of milk as opposed to bags of milk like I usually get.

For some reason I guess I figured it was no longer important to check expiry dates until after I get home and have opened my purchases. I discovered that the milk was to expire the very next day. But it wasn't a tiny carton, it was a big carton of milk. But there was no way I was wasting that $4 worth of milk. So, I made smoothies for my husband and I, which took up a fair bit of milk, but certainly not the whole thing. So I made sure that when I fixed our coffees, we used way more milk than usual. Still, there was a lot of milk left.

This morning was the day past the expiry date and in an act of desperation, I made myself a smoothie. Despite not being sure if it would make me sick or not, I drank that whole smoothie. It tasted weird. But damned if I was going to pour it down the drain. Not only would that waste the expired milk, but also the peach and the mango that I put in it. Then, despite being pretty sure it was expired, I poured a lot into my morning coffee to try to get as much use out of that milk as possible.

Even still, I have yet to throw out that milk.

Party Intervention

I've noticed something peculiar over the past few years. People in Guelph don't even consider going to a bar until 11pm. But what makes it even more peculiar is that buses stop running at 12:15am, and on Sunday they stop at about 6:30pm. Taxis are incredibly expensive. There's no way people aren't drinking, so how the hell are they getting home?

I was just at an open mic night (on a Sunday!) which was supposed to start at 10pm, but no one showed up until 11pm -- not even the host! As a result, my husband and I sat around drinking Cokes for an hour and then decided to go home because we were sick of waiting. Not cool.

Normally I wouldn't be able to go because a) I don't have a driver's license, b) my husband hates driving downtown and c) even if I can convince him to drive, he often works early in the morning and therefore wouldn't be up to staying up late. I don't live near anyone who I could carpool with and I don't feel comfortable walking in my neighbourhood alone that late at night (see previous posts about where I live).

Anyways, this is not the first time that there's been an event that takes place later than I can realistically stay. Oftentimes there will be an event that starts at 11pm and doesn't really get interesting until 1am, but, feeling a bit like Cinderella, I have to catch the midnight bus home and therefore end up missing all the good stuff.

I'm sick of it. So, I propose that people start their drinking earlier. Pre-drink with dinner and then head to the bar at 9:30-10ish so that by the time the last bus rolls around, everyone's too hammered and tired for anything interesting to happen anymore.

Sure this problem would also be fixed if the buses ran later on prime party nights, but I don't think that's necessarily the best course of action. A lot of people have to work in the morning and there's nothing worse than having to work a full shift on less than 3 hours sleep.

So let's start a night life revolution! Get out there and enjoying yourselves before you're too tired to stand! Get there early so you can dance longer! You'll be making life easier and more accessible to those who rely on public transit to get where they want to go. It's totally win-win.

Lunchables : Tuna Wraps

So, I decided to make a variant of the Salmon Wraps which turned out amazingly well. Open a can of tuna, mash it up with a fresh avocado. Add some lemon juice and freshly ground pepper. Then wrap it up in a lettuce leaf. Well, to be precise, that amount of tuna mash should be able to fill 3-4 lettuce leaves. Voila! A very healthy, low fat, blabbity-blah, mumbo-jumbo lunch. Enjoy!

Lunchables : Salmon Wraps

I think I mentioned it in an earlier post, but I've been trying to shift my dietary foci from being very dairy and grain based to being more veggie and meat based. The reason for this shift in thinking is that a blog that I follow, Dooce, started talking about the Paleo diet and I thought it had some merits. I think it's a bit extreme, but there are some things I felt could improve my diet.

Anyways, I had read somewhere in my researching that a good thing to do in place of bread or tortilla wraps was to wrap things in lettuce leaves instead. So, I decided to give it a try with salmon. The result was a VERY satisfying meal.

I took 1 can of salmon, mashed it up with some Miracle Whip (though I suspect it would be really good with avocado in place of Miracle Whip), then I distributed the salmon mash onto 4 Romaine lettuce leaves along the spines. Wrap and enjoy.

I particularly like having the crunchy lettuce with the salmon. I used to always add it to my salmon or tuna sandwiches to add a nice freshness to it all, but the bread always sat very heavy in my stomach. Without the bread, I just feel full and satisfied. It's a very nice feeling. I highly recommend it.

Anyways, that's my Friday Lunchable idea....we'll see if I can come up with another one for next Friday.

The Right Choice

You know how when you're growing up, you hear time and time again that "if it's the right choice, you'll know"? I don't believe that anymore. I've striven to make the right choices in my life and I'm pretty sure the average person would say I made the right choices, but you never know for sure.

I always expected this "knowing" to be a very real, very visceral feeling that was undeniable. Moreover, I expected I would get this feeling in all situations wherein I must make a choice, no matter how small. What shirt should I wear? Should I walk or take the bus? Do I want to eat an apple or an orange? I figured there was a right answer to everything (e.g. to breathe or not to breathe? right answer: breathe) and that somehow I would intrinsically know what the right answer was.

What I have found to be true is that when it's the wrong answer, or at least when it's the worst answer, you tend to know it but not until after you've done it. But some, in fact many, choices are irreversible. It cannot be undone. So really, the odds of getting things right on the first try are about as good as chance. Maybe a little better if you're particularly logical, however logic doesn't always help.

How do you know what the right thing to do is? How do you live your life to the fullest without suffering horrible consequences? Where is that fine line?

There is no line.

I've found that the world is dynamic and ever changing. I've also found that things tend to work themselves out. When we make mistakes, we suffer the consequences, but the consequences are not always all bad nor are they everlasting. One saying that does tend to ring true: This too shall pass.

So I suppose I'll say that whatever it is that you're yearning for in life, just go after it. See where it takes you. Just try not to be stupid about it.

Sick

I just started a new job a couple weeks ago, got booked for a show in two weeks and I'm sick. Fortunately it's not a head cold so there's no sore, runny nose or congestion. Up until two days ago it was just a sore throat and really wasn't bad. Then the coughing came, and it just would not go away. The worst part is that I'm not coughing up anything, it's a dry cough and it's set off whenever I breathe essentially.

I can put up with being sick, but being sick while having to work 8 hour days in the service industry sucks. My solution was to down as much cough syrup as I felt was safe. It certainly helped the coughing, but it made me very disoriented. Luckily I now have two days off, but if I'm not better by the time I go back I'll have a stretch of 5 consecutive work days. So...today I'm taking it easy. Eating healthy, drinking tea and resting up.

Hollerado

The most energetic show I experienced at Hillside was Hollerado. I was still on a high from seeing Mother Mother and I drifted into the Island stage tent in which an unimaginable amount of people packed themselves. They were packed in like sardines. People were standing on picnic tables which gave the illusion of a sea of people frozen in mid-wave. It was beautiful.

The music was energetic and the musicians were putting their all into it. It was a zillion degrees, everyone was sweating and dancing and having a great time. Massive glowing orbs bounced around the crowd and at one point a confetti canon was set off. It was magical. It helped that I was a bit tipsy as well....

At the show, they did a rehashing of Amy Winehouse's Rehab to commemorate her death, which was either the same day or day after it was announced. They also covered The Bird is the Word, which was surprisingly amazing.

The album Record in a Bag is a great party album, especially the song Juliette. I also really enjoy Americanarama, Fake Drugs and Hard Love. Solid band to listen to with an incredible vibe. Fantastic.

Paper Lions

Paper Lions played at the same time as Common Grackle at Hillside and therefore I didn't get to listen to as much as I would have liked of either. Since the show however, I have listened to Paper Lion's album, Trophies, and decided that I very much like it. There's quite a few good songs from that album. I suggest looking up Mr Strawberry Man and Travelling

They're pretty hipster, like many bands that were at Hillside with a strong rock influence. Electric guitar, drums, bass, vocals...pretty typical make-up for a rock band and it works quite well. Their songs are bouncy and have a habit of sticking in your head long after the last chord has been strummed.

Common Grackle

While I was lying in a tent with my friend at Hillside, we looked through the band guide and read aloud the more interesting descriptions. One of them was for a band called Common Grackle in which several somewhat conflicting genres were said to have been fused together to create their music. After reading it, we decided we had to check them out and see just how it all meshes together.

Unfortunately we didn't stay too long since there were several talked-about bands at that time to go see, but the few songs we listened to were pretty awesome. A little rockabilly, with a modern hipster twist and some questionable lyrics, strange I know, but the tunes were delightful and catchy. I since looked them up on Youtube and now I feel the need to learn to play At The Grindcore Show.

*For some reason the video won't cooperate*

Mother Mother

I missed a fair bit of Saturday at Hillside, but I made sure to come for Mother Mother. This is the band that I was absolutely the most excited to go see. I listened to their previous two albums quite a lot over the past year and couldn't wait to see how their live performance compared to their recorded music.

First off, if you haven't heard of Mother Mother, take a listen to (at least) their title tracks for the last two albums, Touch Up and O My Heart. Extremely catchy music that you just want to dance to. Honestly, I don't even care what it's all about or what the music is really saying. It's damn good music and I would listen to it even if it was telling me to hate the world and murder everyone. Which isn't at all what it's all about, but you get the point.

They just released their new album, Eureka, and I highly recommend it. I've been listening to it since Hillside, along with a few other albums, and so far I think my favourite song is My Baby Don't Dance, but all of the songs are awesome. This band just continues to go above and beyond my expectations.

They're very hipster and remind me a little of the B52s with the crazy female vocals and just the style of singing in general. However, it wasn't until I saw them live that I realized how phenomenal of a voice Jasmine Parkin has. Just incredible. The other thing that particularly impressed me was their outstanding showmanship. Many bands sound less good live because if you make a mistake, you can't erase it and do it over like you could in a recording studio. This is not the case with Mother Mother. They're a very tight band who know how to put on a good, flawless show. I didn't notice a single mistake, their sound levels were good and the transitions between songs were seamless. If you can get out to see one of their shows, I absolutely recommend that you go see them. I had high expectations for Mother Mother and they delivered!

Hillside

I will soon be posting about the different bands I saw at Hillside with a little more detail, but I wanted to write an overall post to prove that I didn't fall into a hole and get captured by gypsies.

First of all, I've got to say that volunteering is the way to go. You only pay $18, donate 12 hours of your time and in exchange you get full Hillside access, free food and a place to camp with other lovely volunteers. It's an incredible sense of community and fellowship while volunteering as well. You've all got the same bracelets and thus can easily recognize other volunteers, which greatly simplifies friend-making because you can always open with "So, what's your volunteer job?" and suddenly you're friends with William Lyon Mackenzie King's great great grandson and he's juggling an apple, a felafel and a cup for your amusement.

Also, the performers eat where you eat, and in a couple cases, camp where you camp. But no one goes all fan-crazed and stupid. Everyone remembers that musicians are people too, not superheros or rare magical creatures like we would all like to believe. You might get to talk to your favourite bands and realize just how much cooler and dynamic they are than you had initially thought.

Even if you're not volunteering though, there is just so much going on all at once and it's ALL amazing! There are cool workshops all day where you can meet fabulously talented people and have them teach you a new skill or introduce you to a new way of doing things. All the while, every stage has something cool going on. There are jam sessions between bands from all genres and you're guaranteed to hear something you've never heard before. There was a person who's instrument was a chain that they hit with a hammer, rhythmically.

Beyond the incredible workshops and mind-blowing music, there's a wide array of artists and vendors selling things that you'd never dreamed existed and all the food is great. But more than anything else, the best part of Hillside is the people. Everyone is happy and open to making friends. You feel like you're a part of something bigger than yourself and far more meaningful. Everyone feels like a cousin or a neighbour and, in some cases, brothers and sisters.

I can't wait to write more about the bands that really struck a chord with me. There were a bunch!

Dear Henry

I just finished writing a song inspired in part by that old comedic song "There's a Hole in My Bucket" except that in my song, Henry and Liza are at a breaking point in their relationship where they're very hurt, but trying to make it work anyway. And it most certainly is not comedic. Henry was unhappy and cheated on Liza, but they're trying to work through it. Very touching. If I had it recorded, I would post it...but I live in the stone age computer-wise.

Labels for Social Inclusion

Dooce referenced Internet K-Hole today in a blog post so I clicked through and checked it out. That blog seems to be a compilation of pictures from various eras which is meant to be funny. I personally loved it. I loved seeing pictures of people having a great time and really loving life. The pictures were funny, but not because of the ridiculous clothes, hairstyles or decor, but because the pictures were taken when the photographer(s) was(were) in a good, humourous mood. You can tell how lighthearted they all were. The people in the pictures often epitomized the culture of the time and often looked damn cool. You can tell in an instant what kind of person they were. It was awe-inspiring.

The pictures made me wish that I had indulged in fashion trends and really enjoyed the time period I was living in. I've always tried not to be trendy so that I'll never have a picture that makes me cringe....but I have lots of pictures that make me cringe and it has nothing to do with fashion, usually. Why not look outdated if I'm totally dressed to the nines and obviously fashionable for the time? Why not have fun with fashion and enjoy dressing up? Why not live the lifestyle of the time?

I always felt that cultural trends and mass appeal were to be despised. I felt that I didn't want to be a clone of those around me; I wanted to think for myself. I didn't want to be labeled or taken at face value. But that's silly, because everyone is labeled and taken at face value until you get to know them. Why shouldn't I use these labels to my benefit? Use these templates to show people at a glance what kind of person I am and what I believe in? What's so wrong with cultural identity anyway?

In a way, it is a method for inclusion. Through image, we can all feel connected and a part of something bigger. Culture and fashion perhaps may be on par with religion in this facet. They are all ways to feel connected with those around us. To feel like we're not alone. Like others understand where we're coming from and what we're all about. To feel connected.

By refusing to endorse trends and the like, I have, in a way, isolated myself from humanity. I've always felt isolated anyway, but perhaps some of that could be alleviated through similarity in style. But this entire philosophical debate begs the question: what style should I endorse, how do I want to be seen by others, and who do I want to surround myself with?

Can You Imagine?

Do you ever imagine how things are going to go and then realize that the chances of that happening are very, very slim? I think I do that a lot in social setting. Next weekend is the Hillside Festival at Guelph Lake and I will be volunteering at the volunteer support tent. Along with a few other people, I will be creating a calm environment and listening to other volunteers as they tell me all about whatever is on their mind. I'm pretty excited about it. We get to play music and hang out with cool people in exchange for a weekend pass to the festival at a hugely discounted price.

In my mind, I'm going to be having fun, playing guitar, and the band members from Mother Mother...or maybe Sloan, will come over to unwind after their show. After hanging out for a bit, I'll mention that I write my own music. Of course, they'll demand that I play for them a bit and after hearing a few songs, they'll decide right then and there that I should join their band, or open for them, or get set up with a record deal of some sort. It'll be a fortuitous event AND an awesome tale to tell.

You see where my mind drifted from reality there? Right after the playing guitar. I suppose, there's  a minute chance that I could meet those people...but it's pretty unlikely that we'd all hang out like old friends and even more unlikely that they'd care to listen to my music...and furthermore, like it enough to advance my music career for me. But can you imagine if that did happen? Apparently I can.

So...what's my sign?

As I mentioned in a previous post, I had recently looked into more in-depth astrology. Specifically, I looked at natal charts...more specifically, my natal chart.

Based on where I was born and at what time and whether anyone sneezed, I have a number of different astrological signs in different domains. These domains are generally referred to as houses and affect different areas of your life...there is also significance given to where the planets are at birth. So, my sun sign is Gemini, which is supposedly the most important sign, but my ascending (not totally sure what that is, but I think it's the 1st house) is Taurus, which means that the way I present myself to others is as a cautious and tentative person, essentially. The kind of person who needs to analyze a situation from all angles before making any decision. I'm pretty sure this is true. I also recall that ....Mars....?....was in Pisces. Well, something was in Pisces and it has to do with anger, so I'm assuming it was Mars. That meant that I don't really get angry so much as moody...and even that it depends on a number of things.

I could go on, but that's really all I remember from the top of my head. It was pretty cool though because it actually did appear to be somewhat accurate.The nice part is that through all the various combinations of signs and domains, you can actually get a very unique sense of a person. I highly suggest you all spend some time on the internet and read about yourselves to see how accurate it is. There are a number of websites that generate the raw data for the chart and then from there, just Google the different parts like 'mars in gemini' to see what comes up. I'd love to hear if you find your astrology signs to be more or less accurate with the additional information.

Signs

Astrology is one of those things, like the Tarot, that has been branded a con. Perhaps it is, but it can be very convincing at times. I'll be posting again about astrology, but for now I'm going to focus on specific predictions.

July has only just begun and already I'm seeing my horoscope unfolding before my eyes. The days surrounding July 6th (and later, the 26th) are supposed to bring unexpected news. Yesterday I received a number of pieces of news after weeks of nothing. I got the volunteer position at the Hillside Festival that I had thought I didn't get because it was taking so long to hear back from them. I also got two separate calls for setting up interviews, both of which I expected not to get for their own reasons. I also heard from my sister....the one who almost never talks to me, asking for advice on some things I really hadn't expected she would talk about, especially not to me.

Apparently today is also an important day. We'll see why I guess. Tonight is an open mic night that I've been agonizing over, unsure as to what will happen.

It's actually almost scary how accurate my horoscope tends to be from that website that I go to: http://www.astrologyzone.com

Wish me luck tonight!

"Parasitic Negativity"

Every morning, I wake up, make breakfast and sip my coffee while I check various places on the internet. My mail, Facebook, Twitter and a blog that I have been following for years. Dooce is the blog of woman who suffered post-partum depression along with a number of other mental ailments that have become far too common in modern times. She has written about her experiences, but more importantly, she writes about her life now and there are so many wonderful aspects to it. She shows hope where so many others have lost it. Beyond that, she writes with such a humourous style and wit that I keep coming back day after day to enjoy the laughs.

Today I checked her blog and found a post that shares the theme of what I had already planned on writing about today. A phenomenon she so aptly described as parasitic negativity. (Her post, however, is very, very different in content to my own as hers involves angry journalists and passionate women from Bangladesh.)

I, too, have noticed this parasitic negativity creeping in around me. It is very common among young university students and it has a very contagious quality, like a yawn. Insidiously it begins with a slight parting of lips, an intake of breath, and before you know it, you're deep in the thick of it, wide-mouthed and uncontrollable. One person begins pointing out flaws and calling them unacceptable, and the next person joins in and complains about the problems with this, that and the other thing. Before you know it, the entirety of one's company is full of hate, disappointment and harsh criticism.

I'll not pretend that I am impervious to this. In fact, it angers me because I feel so susceptible to it. The implicit message sent out when someone calls out problems with something or someone is that the speaker does not have those problems. Therefore, the speaker is superior to those that they denigrate.

When surrounded by these sorts of people, you cease to speak up and say that you like anything for fear that it will be harpooned and deconstructed in front of your eyes. Then all that is left to talk about are things that you dislike or are apathetic towards, which by the way, suddenly turns any conversation into an incredibly dull affair.

So, I say stand up! Be proud of the things you cherish. Gush about the positive things in your life and share that positivity with those around you. It may be more effort (and a fair bit more scary) to be positive rather than negative, but if you can do it with conviction, you might convince others to follow your lead. Negativity may be infectious, but positivity is inspiring and inspiration is what the world thrives on. Inventions, progress, and social movements are all born out of inspiration and enthusiasm. It makes heroes of the meek and leaders of the powerless.

Don't be a Debbie Downer; let those around you shine and maybe in time, you'll shine, too.

Really?

I had to go to the bank today seeing as tomorrow is a holiday (Canada Day! Woo!). I decided to walk because it was such a lovely day today and because walking allows such freedoms as cutting through parking lots and suchlike. After cutting through a particularly large parking lot, with the sun beating down on me the whole time, I decided to cross the street. At this point, I could see the bank mere meters ahead of me on the other side of the street, but the nearest intersection with lights to cross at was a few minutes' walk away, after which I would have to double back to get to the bank. That seemed silly to me, horribly inefficient. So I decided to wait until traffic cleared enough that I could just cross there.

I waited, and waited, and waited some more. Then the traffic cleared up and I knew it was my chance to go. But there was a guy in a little red car that wanted to merge onto the road from the parking lot across the street. I would be in his way if I crossed, but there was enough room that if I just went quickly, he would have more than enough time to get onto the road. The second he saw that I was crossing out onto the road, and at a quick pace, he slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and headed straight for me. Fortunately, I was able to dodge him but for that moment, I was sure that I was about to discover what it felt like to be hit by a car.

Admittedly, I should not have crossed there. I should have gone to the intersection to cross. However, it's just good practice to avoid hitting pedestrians. The law always sides with them anyway, so he would have been legally screwed had he hit me. I however, would have been screwed in a much more profound and tangible way, and many people would say I brought it upon myself for not obeying the law.

But I still think he's an ass.

Exploring the Mysteries of the Tarot

Yesterday I decided I wanted to write. I felt in the mood for creative writing, but was in need of an idea to run with. So I thought it would be a good idea to look through my tarot cards for inspiration, as most cards depict some elaborate scene. As I was looking through the cards, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. The Devil was giving the Vulcan salute.

Now, I didn't believe that it could have been meant as such because the cards are far older than Star Trek, however it did pique my interest. I decided to Google it and see what I could come up with.

It turns out that the Vulcan salute was essentially based off of a Jewish hand gesture of blessing, which carried a similar meaning to that of the Vulcan salute. Live long and prosper. Moreover, apparently there was a similar Egyptian gesture that also carried a similar meaning. Life, prosperity and health.

However, when I Googled the card and its symbolism, only one website so much as acknowledged the presence of that gesture. So, I emailed them asking their opinion on the meaning of that connection. I am still awaiting their reply.

But why would the devil be using such a gesture? Well, I read that on that same hand, there is the sign of Saturn, which often symbolizes limitations and inertia. That, mixed with the blessing could potentially be a warning of the limitations associated with the devil's means.

I've included a picture of the card in question. Take a look. What do you think?

Fear

There are a number of emotions that are powerful in their own right, but none so profoundly widespread and limiting as fear. It binds us, restricts us and prevents us from acting upon our impulses and inspiration. This can, at times, be a positive force, preventing us from doing things that may cause damage to those around us. But oftentimes it is the primary barrier that each of us must overcome in order to achieve the goals we each strive for.

Fear has been the emotion that I personally have struggled with far more than any other emotion. I am not quick to anger, and much of my life is filled with love; I have made peace with sadness, but still I find myself completely floored by fear.

Perhaps it might be best to simply take it at face value and retreat whenever fear is present. Or perhaps I should go to the other extreme and confront each fear that faces me. I feel the best course of action is to navigate the middle ground and decide which fears are to be confronted, and which are to be respected. However, this presents the pivotal dilemma: which fears are which?

It frustrates me that there is no answer to that question. No matter where I look for the answers, there will never be an ultimate life dictator who knows absolutely what is right and what is wrong. If I go with my instincts, I may be wrong in the eyes of others, I may even be wrong in my own eyes, and there may never be any vindication.

A Step Forward

Back in high school I began writing a book. I had been sitting alone at home thinking 'I feel like writing!', so that's exactly what I did. I wrote the first thing that popped into my head and went with it. That led to writing 3 (unedited) chapters of a book that I actually felt really proud of. I brought them to my Writer's Craft teacher and she loved it. She encouraged me to write more, however, that was when the writing stopped.

I had no idea where to take the story. Like many writers, I had written the story loosely based around my own life experiences (loosely). I didn't know where I was going, so how could I know where the story would go? I put it aside and never picked it back up again, but it has been sitting in the back of my mind for years.

Today I decided I was going to do something about it. I was going to deconstruct what I already had written and create a three act plot. It's still very rough, and largely just brainstorming, but now I feel like I've almost got something worth telling. A few more tweaks of the plot points, and planting seeds along the way, and I could potentially start writing it again.

Ideally, I'd like to have the plot worked out in detail with chapter summaries and then edit the first few chapters so they are essentially ready for printing. Then, I'll go around to literary agents and see if anyone's interested. If no one is, I may still write it anyway but at least I'll know that I tried. Regardless of the outcome, however, I am pleased to have taken this small step.

How I Became a Member at CostCo

My husband had the past few days off work and so on his first day off, we did something crazy : we drove to another city! Now, for those of you who know him, you know that my husband is pretty nervous about driving around in unfamiliar territory. In Guelph, he avoids driving downtown entirely because it's too stressful. So you can imagine my excitement when he announced that we'd take a trip into Kitchener (I love exploring new places).

The purpose of the trip was to find the perfect set of skates for him at Pro Hockey Life, but while we were there, we thought it might be fun to go to CostCo. Neither of us had ever been inside one before and it seemed like a novel idea.

When we entered the large, grey building, we were stopped by an employee who demanded to see our membership passes. Since we're not members, we were escorted to a saleswoman who told us every way in which we can benefit from a membership. We asked if we could just walk around and come back out, but apparently they don't allow visitor's passes anymore. If we wanted in, we'd have to become members.

Once we got to the membership counter, we were bombarded with questions about different offers we could take them up on, and they demanded to have our driver's licenses. They got all the information out of us that they could, and were very pushy about the entire process. When it came time to pay for the membership (which we planned on cancelling before we left that day so as to receive the full reimbursement), we were informed that they didn't take Visa. The only credit card they took was American Express. Maybe it's because Canada Day is coming up, or maybe it just pisses me off that American Corporations seem to feel they can come in and erase Canadian culture and turn us all into the Americans of the North, but that pissed me off. I wouldn't have minded as much if they had said that they only accept cash or debit. But to accept only American Express....that was just too far. Yes, I realize that Visa is headquarters in the States...but...the nationalist branding of Amex is too much for me. Yes, branding matters.

To add to the general discomfort of the whole ordeal, we had to get our pictures taken for our membership card. I hadn't showered, wasn't wearing makeup, had been sweating all day....it was not fun. But it was over very quickly and it would get destroyed soon enough anyway.

Once we got in, it was an overwhelming experience. This was the single most depressing place I'd ever been to in my entire life. Beyond the sheer esthetics of the warehouse decor, I felt the most incredible sense of malaise. I tend to be a pretty intuitive person, and being in that place made me feel sick. I nearly burst into tears. It was awful.

To make matters worse, things were barely cheaper than say, Giant Tiger or Zellers. It was difficult to find pricing and most items that were stocked, we wouldn't buy anyway. Interestingly, they had a Swarovski Crystal display, a jewellery display and countless other things that didn't seem to belong. Personally, I don't care about cost...if you buy me a ring from an antique store or a junk shop for $5...I'd vastly prefer that to one bought at CostCo for $50. You just don't buy sentimental things at CostCo....it just isn't right.

Needless to say, we ended our membership on the way out and vowed never to step foot in there ever again.

Car Trouble

The past 24 hours has been hard on my car. Yesterday, while driving back home from the mall, my husband and I were stopped for a few seconds because it was rush hour traffic. When we were just about to keep rolling forward, we felt a massive jolt and realized that we'd been hit by the woman behind us. We pulled onto a quiet side road and to exchange information. To expediate the process, she gave us her business card. After assessing the damage (everything looked fine), we were on our way. I turned to my husband and remarked at how little damage had been done. He mentioned his neck was a bit sore, to which I responded by pulling out her card and drawing attention to her profession. She happened to be a massage therapist.

Jump to this afternoon, we went outside to head out to Subway for lunch and noticed something rather odd. Our car appeared to have one too few windows. Overnight someone had smashed out the driver's side window. The odd thing though, was that nothing was stolen. The hockey inline skates, the Easton hockey gloves, tennis rackets - none were stolen. We did however find traces of a glass hashpipe that must have been used to smash the window.

The window has since been replaced (Speedy Glass lives up to their name) and we're $300 poorer than we were this morning, but it could have been a lot worse.

Exhausted

I spent all day today working away at job hunting. Handing out resumes, talking with prospective employers and finally networking with the locals. It was all very tiring, but I managed to get quite a few leads and, more importantly, a morale boost. It had been taking me so long to find a job, I was beginning to think I was just hopeless. Now I know I just need to be a little bolder. The more I talk to people, the more opportunities present themselves and the better off I am.

Furthermore, the more social risks and nudging of my comfort zone I engage in, the more confident I become and that also brings about positive change. For the longest time, I had been too shy or embarrassed to play guitar and sing while my husband was within earshot. I'm not sure why, but the smaller the audience, the more nervous I become...especially when the audience is comprised of people I care about. But because of this confidence boost I got, I felt comfortable playing tonight at home and managed to finish writing one song that I had started writing about a month ago, and then I started writing another! He even came out and told me how much he loved it when I sang and how he wished I'd do it more often.

Just goes to show, to me anyhow, the dramatic power we all have to shape our own lives and create the life we want. The smallest and simplest of changes can have incredible results. You just have to go after what you want and try not to get cold feet while getting it.

Spicy Sunday Debut: Cinnamon

Don't we all just love cinnamon so much that we wish it grew on trees? Well, it does! Cinnamon is actually derived from the bark of Cinnamomum trees, of which there are a few. It is a spice that is widely used all over the world for a variety of foods and other purposes.

What other purposes, you ask? Well, it just so happens that, though untested, it is sometimes used to ward off mosquitos and in mice, cinnamon can help prevent Alzheimer's disease. When it comes to health benefits, cinnamon seems to have been used for just about everything, from digestion problems to the common cold. It's yet another food that is jam-packed with antioxidants, which we all know by now, thanks to the media, that antioxidants are great anti-agers that make you look and feel younger.

Beyond that, cinnamon can prevent colon cancer and heart disease. It can even be a player in preventing and treating diabetes due to its regulatory effect on blood sugar levels.

Wow! Cinnamon's great, isn't it? And the best part is that I've never known anyone to dislike the taste of cinnamon (especially when combined with brown sugar). It tastes great in just about every baked good, on apples and other fruit and even in a wide array of beverages. So stock up on your cinnamon and enjoy!

Triple Bran : New Developments

This morning I thought I'd take the cinnamon/brown sugar mix and add some ginger to make it taste even more like gingerbread. I'm pretty undecided about it. I think it's an improvement. Plus, these additional spices are pretty good for you, so the more the merrier. In fact...that has just inspired me to write another blog post in the future, or maybe a series of blog posts about spices and their various health properties.

So stay tuned for Spicy Sundays!

Making Triple Bran Taste Good: Attempt #3

I have to admit, I was a little tempted not to post this because in my head, this was going to be an epic series of posts wherein I try every flavour combination known to man until I finally find the magic combination that makes it alright and that last flavour would be the last bowl in the box.

Instead, I'm going to have to tell you that after only three attempts, I am pretty sure I found the best combination. Cinnamon and brown sugar with milk. It kind of makes it taste like a strange gingerbread cookie. Still a bit of a gross after taste, but not bad.

I am still, however, going to accept other flavour challenges if anyone suggests it...you know, for kicks.

Making Triple Bran Taste Good: Attempt #2

This morning I intended on having Triple Bran just with milk as a baseline measurement of taste. After about two mouthfuls, I decided I'd gotten a pretty good handle on the level of gross and could try to make it taste better. Interestingly though, I think it tasted better with milk than with yogurt.

This time around I decided to add honey. Just a tablespoon, though maybe I should have added more. It was a definite improvement, but I'm not 100% sold. I think tomorrow I will try that suggestion of cinnamon and brown sugar. Besides, I recall hearing somewhere that cinnamon was really good for you...the sugar less so, but you really need them both.

Raspberry Cream Muffins

I love to bake muffins, and my husband loves to eat muffins. Usually I go for the banana variety, but today I felt like something different. Well, almost different. I decided to break out my old favourite recipe that was in my family's Company's Coming cookbook. Raspberry Cream Muffins.

Here's all you need to make these delectable delights:

• 1/2 cup softened butter
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 cups flour
• 1 cup frozen raspberries

Ok, so that kind of looks like a long list, but trust me, it's super easy. I cut off the right amount of butter from the stick of butter and left it on the counter while I ran to the store to get sour cream. We were all out and it takes a little while for the butter to soften anyway. So...however long it takes you to run to the store to pick up last minute ingredients, that's how long you leave the butter out on the counter softening.

Once I had all the ingredients, I creamed the sugar and butter together, added each egg, beating them in there pretty good then added the vanilla and sour cream and kept mixing till it was all a lovely goo. Then, because I lack the proper amount of mixing bowls, I added the dry ingredients straight to the goo, but left out the flour. The non-flour dry ingredients are pretty minimal, so just add them and make sure they're well-mixed before you add the flour. Once it all was mixed thoroughly, I added the raspberries, making sure to get them mixed evenly.

After that you just pop 'em into a muffin pan lined with muffin cups and bake them at 350F for about half an hour.

I took some pictures to give you an idea of what the batter should look like, how much to fill the muffin cups and what they should look like when they're done.

The Haunting

I just realized that I've been avoiding the Triple Bran cereal. For the past two days, I have specifically not eaten it. I had eggs, bacon and toast yesterday and then today I finished up the last of my rice crispies, garnished with frozen raspberries. Tomorrow I will have no choice but to eat the Triple Bran.

That cereal haunts me. It knows I have no other options. It mocks me from the kitchen cabinet, knowing full well that I'm too frugal to buy food and not eat every last bite of it. It also knows that the nutritional value alone is enough to draw me back in and ignore the gustatory pain.

Rest assured, I WILL CONQUER YOU, TRIPLE BRAN!!!!

Making Triple Bran Taste Good: Attempt #1

I was at the grocery store yesterday and spent some time comparing nutritional information of cereals and discovered that 1/2 cup of "Triple Bran" (store brand cereal) contained 60% of your daily intake of iron. NOTHING has 60% of your daily intake of iron in such a small quantity. Well, maybe meat, but I know very little about meat's nutritional values. Then I looked at the price. It was less than $3! So I decided to try it.

Well, if you've ever had Bran Buds....these are grosser. So, I need to figure out how to make this tastey. My first attempt was this morning. I mixed it with some strawberry yogurt. Good, right? Wrong. So very wrong. I think something about the fruity flavour brings out the nasty in the cereal.

Attempt #1 failed. Anyone else have any suggestions? I may try regular milk tomorrow, just to get a base measure of taste. The more suggestions, the better!

Social-ize...ing?

I decided that since I've been trying to eat healthy, stay active and take care of myself, I really can't do that while completely isolated. Otherwise, what's the point? Humans are social beings and really can't be happy without other people to share that happiness with. So, I'm going to make a concerted effort to keep in touch with people.

I think somewhere along the line, I told myself that I should never speak unless spoken to or even acknowledge others until they acknowledge me first. But...I think a lot of people also follow that principal, which results in a lot of ridiculously (and unconvincingly) pretending we don't know the people we do in fact know.

I'm going to stop this nonsense and step up. I'm going to say hi and touch base with people that I haven't talked to in a little while. Try to nurture those relationships and maintain them. It'll be hard at first, but hopefully I bet it'll be worth it.

Ohhh Man!

Yesterday my husband and I took the plunge: we bought cell phones!

He had never had a cell phone before, and I had one once that was part of my mom's cell phone plan. It's use was pretty limited and I never ended up using it for anything but a clock. So, we're pretty new to this whole cellular technology thing. Since this was such an epic event in our lives, we decided to go all out and get a really good couple of phones and the best plan we could reasonably afford.

We bought two HTC Legend Smartphones powered by Android. $250 each. Lucky for us, Virgin mobile has a "supertabs" option whereby we only pay 10% of the cost of the phone ($2.50) each month and when we decide we want to cancel our plan, the only cost is the remaining price of the phone. Sure, we won't get the phone for free nor will we get a free PS4, but we also can walk away from this deal whenever we want and only owe them the remaining cost of the phones, which is way better than the typical cancellation fee especially when you consider that we will have been paying down the phones in easy payments with no accumulating interest.

We get unlimited texting, unlimited evenings and weekend calling, no activation fee, no anything fee really and we got some free cases thrown in. We even get "My 10" as opposed to the typical "My 5"...which pretty much takes care of all the people we call on a regular basis anyway.

What will happen to us? Will we suddenly become chained to our technology like the rest of the world? Will we lose whatever social skills we had in place of texting skills? Who knows...only time will tell.

Ok...now I really need to land a job.

"Bus Pass of Freedom" Or "Genuine Leather"

Before my dentist appointment yesterday, I decided to go out and buy a bus pass. If I use it frequently, it's WAY cheaper than buying tickets or using exact change plus it motivates me to explore the city since the more I use it, the better deal it is. I went to Metro initially to buy the pass but apparently they sell out of them within the first couple days of the month, and this was the 6th. So, I moseyed on over to a convenience store in the mall to get one. To be honest I was less than thrilled at having to buy a pass at a place that doesn't take credit, but I did it anyway and now I have my ticket to freedom.

However, the bus pass isn't all nice and laminated like other cards. It's just cardboard, like a really flimsy business card. Clearly I had to go out and buy a new wallet that would have that little laminated flap thingy. Besides, the wallet I'd been using (since grade 10 or so) was getting pretty old and was really just a change purse. No organization to it whatsoever. So today I went out to find myself a new wallet.

I still don't have a job, so I hit the thrift stores, hoping to get something decent for less than $5. After sifting through bins of purses, I finally found a little black wallet, with the clear flip thingy with the words 'Genuine Leather' stamped into the bottom. For $2, this one was the winner.

Unfortunately, the wallet is slightly too big to comfortably fit into my pant pockets...so maybe I'll have to get a nice bag...

My Horoscope Told Me To

I'm going to share a dirty little secret about myself : once a month, I read a very long, very detailed horoscope. And take it seriously.

Yes, I realize that people who are all learned and university edumacated tend not to believe in silly things like astrology, but I think I just can't let go of my 13 year old self. The one who read book after book about witchcraft, paganism, astrology and divination. The one who, in all seriousness, took her parents aside and sat them down to tell them that she had thought a lot about it, and she was going to convert to paganism. I just can't admit to myself that magic(k) doesn't exist.

More to the point, I was reading said horoscope and among other directives, it said I should take care of any nagging medical issues I'd been having. Since the last time I went to the dentist, I've had the most incredible sensitivity to temperature in the area where my last cavity was filled. I finally decided to bite the bullet and make an appointment...because my horoscope told me to.

Yesterday was the appointment and to my delight, nothing too painful happened. The dentist did some tests and an x-ray and decided that I should be on antibiotics for a week. It's possible that all I need to do to fix this several month issue is take some pills for a few days. Obviously I am now on antibiotics.

The downside though...is that if the antibiotics don't work I only have two options. Pull the tooth, or get a root canal done. Neither option sounds particularly good. So, here's hoping the drugs do their job!

Restored

The past couple days have been all about fixing my guitars. The acoustic's neck was inching away from the body, making the action ridiculously high which in turn made it difficult to play higher up on the fretboard. We fixed it by putting some heavy duty carpenter's glue in the crack and then tightening it to the body with a ratchet strap. After a day of drying and the addition of new strings, it's good as new!

The electric appeared to have troubles with the circuitry, but when we opened it up, nothing seemed amiss. So we screwed everything back into place and it worked again like new! Turns out it just had a few screws loose. I suppose it's not just dogs that mimic their owners, eh?

So now I've got two working guitars, a mic and a keyboard! I still need a mic stand and preferably a second amp, but that'll come. All in good time. I'm kind of hoping now that when friends come over, we can all try to play together. Wouldn't that be fun?

It may sound silly, but restoring those guitars, especially my electric for some reason, makes me feel like I'm alive again. Not that I was feeling particularly dead before, but it's like waking from a sleep that felt very real and you realize 'Now THIS is real!'.

Morning Walk

This morning I went for a nice, long walk. Well, it was about 45 minutes long. But this was no ordinary walk. This morning there was a torrential downpour with lightening and thunder. I embarked on my walk just as the rain stopped, but the skies were still dark and you could smell the rain on the wind. The cover of wetness made all the colours appear more vivid than ever before. It smelled beautiful, looked beautiful and felt beautiful. The air was a little cool but humid enough to feel comforting. Then I turned on Tori Amos's Abnormally Attracted to Sin album and the experience was complete. I've found that Tori Amos is best appreciated in the rain. Or shortly after the rain.

And to think, I almost missed out on all of this. The reason for the walk was that today there was to be an event in the park involving live contemporary dance. I wasn't going to go because I assumed it would be cancelled due to the weather. Because I hadn't found any information anywhere regarding whether or not they were still going ahead with the performance, I went anyway and I'm glad I did. There was no dancing when I got to the park, but I was able to enjoy the most beautiful part of the day with Tori.

Home Remedy

The other day I was preparing dinner, and while pouring out the boiling hot water from the spaghetti, I accidentally burned my fingers pretty badly. Bad enough for involuntary crying. I ran my fingers under lukewarm water like what you're supposed to do, but it was still unbearably painful. Putting ice on it also was no good because each time I took the ice off, the throbbing got worse.

After a few hours, I decided to do a Google search on home remedies for burns. For immediate relief, one website said, put dish soap on the affected area. I tried it, but unfortunately, it was only for immediate relief, not for long term relief. So I kept reading and the next option that I could try was putting honey on my fingers. Honey, apparently, has healing properties. I guess that's why it's so good in facials.

So I tried it, and I must say that even though it did next to nothing initially, as I allowed it to sit there on my skin, the pain lessened until after 20 minutes or so, I barely noticed I'd been burned. Now, two days later, there are no noticeable effects of having burned myself. It's not sensitive, not discoloured. Nothing. Just healed. So, I highly recommend that after running the burned area under water, you should definitely apply some honey. It's magical.

Sweatbands!

For the past couple weeks, my husband and I have been on a quest for inexpensive sweatbands. This is because we recently started playing tennis, and neither of us have ever been much into sports. Just as we were about to go out and play for the first time, we looked at one another in our not-very-athletic shorts and t-shirts and decided that the only thing that could make us look more ridiculous would be sweatbands. Therefore, we needed sweatbands.

Initially, we expected to be able to acquire said sweatbands for $1 or so each. But there weren't any sweatbands at the dollar store. Nor were there any in Claire's or Ardene. Even in Play It Again Sports, they only had wristbands. We went all over the city and though most places carried wristbands, only a couple carried sweatbands. SportMart and SportChek. Both for about $5 each. This was significantly more than we were willing to spend on a joke. So we didn't get them for the longest time.

But then yesterday, it was a swelteringly hot day. We were sweating pretty badly and we weren't even playing tennis yet. We decided to just go out and get the damned $5 sweatbands. We'd been everywhere and even Walmart didn't have sweatbands for any less than $5. So we bought them from SportMart, because there's a sales associate from SportChek that is just so unpleasant to be around. Then we went out and played some tennis.

Despite looking pretty ridiculous, I must say, I was glad to be wearing my sweatband in the hot weather.

Impatience

This whole not working and not studying thing is really making me impatient. I need a job soon so I can at least afford some better hobbies than internet surfing and daydreaming.

I started looking through the forum on acne.org to see if there were any convincing before and after pictures of people who had tried laser treatments. Wait, no, first I was looking for extreme makeover-type shows, but none exist anymore. Anyways, I ended up looking through before and after pictures for people who had used "The Regimen", and yes, everyone capitalized it as if it were a God. It started seeming cult-like and con-y, and yet I had gone on this regimen myself, though I had altered it a bit to suit my needs. It essentially did work. But I stopped using benzoyl peroxide, got stressed and switched medications. My acne came back with a vengeance, and the stress mixed with my inability to cope led to the old habit discussed earlier in this blog. My acne got worse and now, even though my skin is better than it was in my teens, I still feel like I'm right back at square one.

Here's where the impatience comes in. I could just wait a few weeks to let the switch in meds work its magic and try really hard not to touch my skin in the meantime. Logic would dictate this is the best course of action that would truly get down to the root of the cause...by only changing one thing at a time. However....as previously established, I've become impatient and want immediate results from something that takes lots of time. I'm going to venture out to Shoppers Drug Mart and pick me up some benzoyl peroxide.

Self-Improvement Challenge

So...I took a wee bit of a break from the milk mask. Partially because I've run out of honey to mix it with and partially because I realized that I was breaking out a lot because of a poor choice of medication so even if it was effective, I wouldn't notice until I switch meds. I've since seen the doctor and will be switching meds shortly. Then I'll resume the milk masks and watch it work its wonders.

On the clothing front: I got rid of clothes that were either disintegrating noticeably or didn't fit anymore and I've started, bit by bit, to add better pieces to my wardrobe. Just a couple shirts thus far, and they were from Value Village, but it's a start.

Hair-wise I'm planning on getting a REAL haircut, from a REAL hairdresser for graduation. Just something as a bit of a pick-me-up and hopefully it'll be more flattering than anything I'd be doing myself.

Health-wise, my husband and I have been doing a lot of sporty activities. Each day we play tennis or roller blade and other things might get thrown into the mix. I've also been trying to challenge myself in my morning yoga routine, toning muscles in my lower back and abs. Groceries have also been edited a bit. I've been trying to eat more fish and lean meat as opposed to the heavier meats and I've been buying more fruits and veggies than normal. I've also cut down on the sweets :(

So, lots of changes! I'm hoping they'll stick, but it is a challenge to fit it all into my daily routine....and it'll be even more of a challenge when I'm working all day. We'll see how it goes.

With Distinction

Yesterday I received an email from the University of Guelph informing me that I was approved for graduation. It also said that I would be graduating with distinction. Not really knowing what precisely that meant, I repeatedly reminded my husband that I was going to graduate with distinction. I'm sure it was just as amusing the 22nd time as the first.

This morning, before blurting it out to the Facebook world and Twittersphere, I decided to look up what it meant. At some schools, it means that you never failed a single class. Which...I suppose might be difficult for those who like to party a lot. I was a little let down. But then I discovered that the University of Guelph has a slightly different viewpoint. It has to do with cumulative average. A degree with standing is basically, anyone who actually got their degree. A degree with honours is an average between 70-79%. However, a degree with distinction means that your overall cumulative average is above an 80%. That's me. I did BETTER than those people who graduated with honours. Heck yeah!

But now, here is where I get confused. I also have an honours degree. I understood that to mean it was four years as opposed to three. So, does that mean that some people from my program are going to have an honours degree with honours? That'll sound awfully redundant to those watching. I however, will have no such redundancies. I will have an honours degree with distinction. That sounds infinitely better, doesn't it?

Yes...this post was all about bragging. But, come one, I worked my ass off for four years. I'm owed a little bit of bragging rights.

It's Finally Paying Off!

Back around Christmas time, my husband bought me a How To Play Keyboard book because I sort of inherited one and always wanted to learn to play it. I started going through the lessons and was feeling pretty happy about my progress, until I realized I sort of hit a brick wall. I wasn't practicing enough, didn't really know what to practice so I kind of forgot about it for a bit.

Then recently I thought, what I really need is to practice moving my fingers over the keys and learning what notes go together and so on. I started practicing scales. First C, then G...then D and A, E and B. All major scales. I started learning where the black keys went and a lot of the theory was beginning to make sense. Then today in the shower I started playing around with a song idea. I really liked it and realized it sounded bluesy, so I looked up in the book how to play a blues scale. The first, fourth and fifth notes of the scale. I realized I wanted it to sound a bit dissonant so I opted for a minor scale, and A minor seemed to be a good range for me so I went with it. Now I've got a bit of a song....at least 2 verses! And it's decent! And played on keyboard! I can play a  blues song! My own blues song!

So...for future reference, starting on scales and learning the patterns really is the best way to go about learning music.

Crickets

I said I'd tell you about the crickets, and today shall be the day to tell that tale.

One day I was doing something in the apartment when I thought I heard the sound of crickets. No....not crickets, a SINGLE cricket. Odd....you usually hear them all together, not individually. And not usually so loud. Then dawned on me. It's coming from INSIDE the house!

My husband and I went on the lookout, trying to hunt down the cricket. We eventually got it cornered, but unfortunately, we couldn't reach it...with anything...at all. We'd have to wait until it came out in the open.

So we waited....

And waited....

..........waited.

It was late and we wanted to go to bed, so we thought 'screw it...we'll take care of it in the morning'. So we turned off all the lights, got into our pajamas and crawled into bed.

Funny thing about crickets....they're most active at night.

We had quite a bit of trouble getting to sleep. Every few seconds there was that individual cricket sound that sounds  a wee bit like a whistle...or train whistle even. It was loud, obnoxious and persistent. I finally got some sleep, but was again awoken by the sound of the cricket. This time it was louder.

I got up to go to the bathroom, and there was the cricket. Making it's chirping sound in the most echo-y part of the apartment, making the most noise it can possibly make. An epic battle ensued in which I finally won, captured the little cricket (I couldn't kill it) and threw it outside.


....


The cricket came back the next day. Sadly, the cricket lost that battle too and this time I was far less merciful.

Shocking

I don't own a scale. Nor have I for a number of years. I've been running on the assumption that my body weight hasn't changed in a long time and likely won't for a while longer. I had been 125lbs from grade.....7(?) until about grade 10/11. Somewhere around there I moved up to 130lbs and then I moved out to university and never bought a scale. I haven't grown vertically since I was about 12.

Yesterday, my husband and I went to Value Village and he wanted to know how much he weighed, so we went to the scales. He had gained a few pounds in muscle mass. I had also gained some weight. According to three separate scales, I'm just a hair under 150lbs now. That's 20lbs more than I was! What the hell?! I didn't think I'd really gained any weight...in fact, I thought I might be losing weight.

I'm telling myself that it's because I'm turning flab into muscle since my husband and I have been so active lately. But....20lbs?! That's like a baby. And not a little newborn either. Yet, most people I talk to seem to think I'm borderline underweight based on the look of me....my BMI is bordering on overweight. What gives?! I could probably handle being 140lbs...but, 150? This is going to take some adjusting.

Self Improvement Challenge

Ok, so, remember when I decided to start taking better care of myself? Or something like that....

I decided to start working on my posture. I used to have fantastic posture because I actively worked on it every day back in high school. When I was about 12 or so, my doctor told me I was developing scoliosis. My dad who blatantly ignores the advice of every professional ever, decided not to do any sort of physical therapy or anything like that. No, he gave me a yoga video and expected me to fix my own damn scoliosis. Well, I did that yoga video every day and practiced sitting up straight and standing properly. Over the years, my good posture kind of became my thing. People could recognize me from a distance because no one stood that straight.

Since attending university and hunching over textbooks and laptops my posture has downgraded quite a bit, and I've been noticing more lower back pain than I had before. Yesterday I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that I've been holding my stomach area forward and my shoulders were hunched. I had a bit of an S shape going on. It made me look pretty weird.

I tried to correct the flaws in my posture and after having done so, and I was standing up perfectly aligned, most of my bodily complaints about looking disproportionate went out the window. My posture was making me look bad. Well, no more! I am going to add postures to my daily yoga routine (which has downgraded over the years to a few minutes of stretching) that improve my posture. I'm going to work on strengthening my core muscles to help straighten it all up and try to remind myself to keep my shoulders back.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Taps Part 2.

Remember when I blogged about the kitchen tap? How it leaked since the first day we moved in, and eventually began whining about it? Well, a month or maybe a couple months ago the tap in the bathroom started leaking as well. It started off as a slow drip, but each time we tried to tighten the tap a little more, the leak got that much worse. Eventually it was a constant stream of water. Made a lot of noise that echoed in the bathroom. So to recap, we had a tap in the kitchen making water noises and the occasional screeching sound and a tap in the bathroom making water noises, some inebriated, loud neighbours and at one point a cricket. If I haven't posted about that one yet, maybe I will soon.

Getting to sleep in my apartment is a skill.

Today however, after months of agony and sleepless nights, we got our taps fixed! Both of them! All in one day! And fixed within an hour! Now it's deathly quiet in here. No running water, no screeching....nothing. All that can be heard is the tapping of my fingertips on my keyboard and the cars driving by outside.

The Epic Biscotti

I promised my friend that I would blog about the EPIC BISCOTTI. I had planned on documenting the entire process but, well, I arranged all my ingredients and took a picture. Then realized I had too little sugar, so I went out to get more sugar, got sleepy and decided to make the biscotti in the morning. By then I had completely forgotten about documenting it.

Anyways, here we go.

The ingredients are as follows:

• 2 eggs
• 1 tbsp of baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• however many sliced almonds as I could find (about 1/4 cup)
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 1 cup of sugar
• 2 cups of flour
• some vanilla and almond extracts to taste

I beat the eggs and sugar until they went all pale from freight. Then I added the almonds, cocoa powder and extracts. And, because I didn't have a second big mixing bowl to mix the dry ingredients, I added the salt, stirred a bit, then the baking powder and stirred a bit more and then finally added the flour last.

The batter is then separated in two and shaped into two loaves on a pan. I baked for 40 minutes at 350F (rotating half way through). After that, I let them cool for a bit, sliced them up and baked again for about 7/8 minutes per side. Then I was left with delicious biscotti to enjoy with my morning coffee! And because they're small, I can tell myself it's ok to have 3 in one sitting.

Just look at that perfection!

Yuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm!

R.I.P.

I just received news that my great uncle died on Friday. I wasn't close with him, but I always liked him. He was a good man with a kind heart. I regret not getting to know him better. He was one of those people that you can't help but feel happy when he's around. He died of lung cancer, but he had lived a good, long life. Rest in peace.

Suuu...ooo....ggaaaaar..?

So....I may be neglecting my health. I realized that I've been up since 8:30am...it's now 7pm and all I've eaten is a bowl of cereal, a yogurt snack and some biscotti. Plus ya know, some coffee and tea. I came to this realization when I was writing cover letters and realized I was barely writing coherent sentences and was making an incredible amount of typos. I proceeded to slump over on my couch and lay there for a while. Then I realized....I was probably running out of energy. Literally. Like, you know how they list 'Energy' on the nutrition labels? Well, I believe I was pretty low on it. Like, if I were a Sim, my Energy bar would be verging on red and I'd fall asleep on the floor, then wake up a few hours later and start cursing and swearing. And yet, I don't feel hungry yet....and really...my husband gets home from work a little after 8...and then we can have dinner....so it seems silly to eat now, when I'll be making dinner within the hour.

Speaking of biscotti, I will soon post a before and after-type entry about making them. It would have been a step-by-step entry, but I forgot to take pictures in between.

MSN Convo of the Day

Me: hehe wow...gotta love Kijiji ads: "Neef rodbuster to tie steel . Looking to sub contract out .if interested please leave a contact number.thanks. "

Friend X: hahaha

Me: I don't know what a rodbuster is, but apparently they neef one really badly

Friend X: XD

Chocolate Substitute

Yesterday was a tough day. I went overkill on searching for jobs online, returning phone calls, making other phone calls, doing laundry and getting groceries. I was sore, and aching all over and then went to band practice until about 11pm so not only was I sore, but I was "working" for about 14 hours straight. I underestimated the toll it would take on me because I figured I was "just doing housework".

So I took it easy today. I'll be doing a bit more laundry (I can only do so much at once since the laundromat is a couple minutes' walk away) but I've spent today reading, chatting with people online and walking around in the beautiful weather we're having here. The highlight of the day though has to be the past hour that I spent sitting on the balcony, drinking a cooler and slowly eating a box of raspberries, savouring every bite all the while listening to The Magnetic Fields.

I realized through this experience that raspberries are by far my favourite food. It's better than chocolate, by far. Many women will say that they prefer chocolate to sex. I've never found that to be true, mainly because I crave chocolate but then once I indulge in that craving, I am almost invariably disappointed (however, Ritter Sport chocolate is rarely a disappointment). Raspberries always leave me wanting more. The flesh of the berry is unbelievably soft, and the inside is filled with the most gratifying juice I've ever had, though orange juice is a close runner up. I would gladly take raspberries over chocolate any day.

A week or two back, I posted about taking care of myself as best I can. Well, I believe that part of that will be indulging in my raspberry cravings from time to time. They're sweet, satisfying and healthy (though somewhat expensive for how little you get). I can spare the extra 50 cents or so to opt for the healthier, better option than for a chocolate bar.

I'd be curious to hear about other people's healthy alternatives to chocolate treats, or general chocolate-related opinions.

It Gets Louder and Louder

This song is just so incredibly catchy and has been stuck in my head for at least a week now. So, I decided to share it with all of you...ya know, in case you've been living under a rock and haven't heard it.

Florence and The Machine - Drumming Song

*I apologize for not embedding it....but embedding has been specifically disabled for this song.

Who Doesn't Take Visa?

Yesterday was a long day. Or at least, it felt very long despite not having to really do all that much. At 7:40am, I was dressed and ready to go. I caught the city bus, rode it for almost an hour to where I could pick up the Go bus and rode that bus for about an hour and a half. I finally got to Square One, another transfer point, at about 9:55am and had a little bit of time to kill.

I figured I should get the bus ticket-buying business out of the way right off the bat, so I found the ticket booth and waited patiently in line.

"I'd like to buy two city bus tickets and a Go bus ticket please."
"We only sell city tickets in packs of five."
"Oh.....but...I'm only going to use two."
"You can just pay $3 in change."
"Hmm...I have no cash......(pause) well....I'll take the Go bus ticket anyway. On Visa."
*taps the glass*
"We don't take credit."
*stunned look on my face*
"You don't take credit?"

Normally I'd be all 'Sure, I'll pay debit.' but keep in mind that I've been an unemployed student for quite some time and am now simply unemployed. I had too little money in my account to pay for the tickets. A little miffed, I made the journey to the other end of Square One where I could go to the TD Bank and get money from my husband's account (isn't marriage lovely?) and then got some breakfast and bought my Go ticket, making sure I had enough loonies and toonies to get to where I was going and back.

I had an additional half hour bus ride to my final destination and then had another half hour to kill until my interview. I walked around and made note of the surroundings. I was apparently in Streetsville. And Streetsville has its own Go station mere minutes walking distance from where I had to be. If only I'd known.

The interview went well (I think/ I hope) and soon I was on my way back. The half hour bus ride, then the two hour wait for the hour long bus ride and then a 15 minute wait for another hour long bus ride. I got back home sometime after 5pm. So really, it was a pretty long day, just very boring and tedious...with lots of going from place to place.

Can you imagine how much time we'd all have on our hands if we didn't have to take time for transit? Most people I know commute anywhere from half an hour to an hour and a half twice a day just to work. That's up to 3 hours a day just traveling!

All I'm saying is I wish they'd go ahead and invent that teleportation device already.

Adventure

Today I'm off to Mississauga for a job interview. It was very last minute and required me to buy bus tickets on the fly with GO transit, which I've never used before. We'll see how it goes. I plan on giving full details upon my return.

Back!

After a week visiting friends and family I have returned. There was quite a lot of outrageous and interesting goings ons, but unfortunately I cannot in good conscience share all of it in such a public forum.

More to come when I have more time.

Ugh.

So, I called the human resources department asking about that job I really wanted. I'm pretty sure I didn't get it. They said they'd selected something like 7 applicants already, and I hadn't received a phone call yet, so yeah.

Oh, and now that someone's posted an awareness video on Facebook...I think I may have cancer.

New Purpose in Life?

It is no secret that I am easily influenced. You may recall my last post made...a couple hours ago regarding using up the milk in my fridge with milk masks and bathing and whatnot. I YouTubed a ton of videos about milk masks, made a milk and honey mask for myself, put it on and while I was waiting for it to dry, started watching more beauty-related YouTube videos.

Through this random selection of videos, I stumbled upon Kandee Johnson's videos, went to her website and became completely captivated by her beauty abilities and the amount of discipline she seems to have when it comes to taking care of herself. I too like to think I take good care of myself, but I've been lacking quite a bit in my appearance over the past couple years. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and being unimpressed, so I think I'm going to embark upon a beauty challenge.

By beauty challenge, I don't mean that I'm going to try a 30 day detox, or a special diet or fitness program. I don't like gimmicky things like that because I find they don't tend to work. Instead, I'm just going to make it a personal goal to take better care of myself and to search for more and better ways to look and feel great.

A while back I tried to do a skin care regime involving a lot of benzoyl peroxide, moisturizer and exfoliant. It worked relatively well...sort of....after a long time, but it left my skin hopelessly dry and I felt dependent on all these harsh chemicals. Not to mention it was extremely costly especially since I've been a student for the past four years with more expenses than income, so really any amount of money spent on personal care seemed frivolous.

Then more recently, in part inspired by the frugality of it, I endorsed the no shampoo movement. This was a mixed blessing since I live in a city with very hard water. Hard water is the arch-nemesis of the no shampoo movement. Though my hair no longer had split ends and no longer became frizzy, it would often feel "gluey" so after almost a year, I was forced to go back to shampoo. Fortunately, I had learned so much about shampoo that I was able to go to Winners and get a massive bottle of Peter Coppola shampoo that smells amazing and isn't as harsh as most other shampoos. I spent $10 and use incredibly small amounts so it will last me a long time.

Then around New Years, I became aware of my particular form of OCD - skin picking. I hadn't really done anything about, at least not successfully but I'm contemplating a trip to the doctor for some help (as recommended by counseling services).

So really, there've been a number of ups and downs and confusing variables in my appearance and though I don't know exactly what's to blame, I have noticed a lot of breakouts that aren't healing well. I also cut my hair a few weeks ago in response to some fairly extreme stress....which kind of needs to be fixed. To add another layer to all of this, I've also been going through my clothes and realized that just about all of my clothes are either deteriorating or don't fit me so I need a new wardrobe and have no money to do it.

Sorry, I realized this post is very unstructured and rambly, but I felt it necessary to add in all the different angles to consider in my sudden, and possibly temporary, decision to improve how I look and feel. Summary: I'm broke but every aspect of my appearance has been degrading...rapidly...and it makes me sad.

What does this mean? I've got a fresh start and the motivation to make myself the best I can be. As I come across different things, I'm going to try them out and update you all on this blog. The first thing on the agenda is the milk and honey mask I mentioned before. You take nearly equal parts milk and honey (slightly more honey than milk though) and mix them really well so it's all a cohesive liquid. Spread it on your face with clean hands and let it dry for 10-15 minutes. Rinse with cool-ish water. Do it a couple times a week and there we go. I'll let you know how it turns out after a few times of doing it.

Cleaning Out The Fridge

My husband and I are leaving Tuesday morning to go back home for a week. There are still a number of perishables in the fridge. Sour cream, salsa and cheese - mix 'em together with some nachos, no problem! Juice - we'll go through that pretty fast. Meat can be frozen. Onions and carrots can be made into soup. But...we've got a ton of milk. We use milk for coffee and cereal, but I've been having eggs and bacon for breakfast in order to use that stuff up before we leave. This means I need to find a way to use up our milk in two days.

I recalled reading somewhere that milk was good for your skin. So after a quick search, I found this blog post that has inspired me to bathe in it.

The Shit is About to Hit the Fan

I may post once or twice over the next week, but it'll be sparse. I'm in the middle of a storm of craziness and I honestly have no idea how this is going to end.

The Storytellers' Guild

About a week ago, I spent some time on Google looking for free things to do in Guelph, or really anything to do in Guelph that sounds like fun. There were a bunch of art galleries, and some live music every so often but what really caught my eye was 'Storytelling'. Intrigued, I clicked the link and was delighted to discover that it wasn't specifically for children, but rather was targeted at 'thinking adults'. I'm an adult, and I think....therefore I am.

It also just so happened that it was free. So I decided to give it a try. Upon arriving at the library (where it was reportedly held), I had the hardest time finding where it was supposed to be. For some reason it made sense to me for it to be in the seated area where people tend to read, despite being disruptive to anyone trying to read or get work done. I suppose this is because the University library does this. They don't care if you've got a paper due in one hour, they'll bring in the campus tours and guest speakers. Anyways, the public library was more considerate, but also more mysterious.

To get to the event, I had to climb a set of stairs that led to an unknown destination. Once I climbed the stairs, all I saw was a children's section and a mysterious little room that appeared to have some elderly people sitting with rapt attention listening to a man addressing some housekeeping issues. I mistook this preamble for some official-type board meeting of something important. After double-checking with the Information clerk, I entered the room. Immediately all eyes went on me because a) I was late and b) I was new...and conservatively 20 years younger than the average attendee.

After the initial awkwardness, some more preamble took place and then they went right into telling stories. So it WAS what I had anticipated. Storytelling for grown-ups. Traditional folk tales, poems, monologues...all were performed and I was thoroughly entertained. I must say, I was seriously considering joining the guild. But then I heard the unfortunate news. Though many members were going to tell stories at various events over the summer, they were not going to have anymore guild meetings until the fall.

Why must I always discover such wonderful things after it's too late to enjoy them fully? I don't know if I'll be around in the fall, but if I do, I believe I'll be busy telling stories at the library to an intimate audience of 60-somethings.

Limit To Your Love

You must be listening to this song while reading this post:



I tried to follow HyperboleAndAHalf today. I clicked the 'follow' button and it became clear there were problems. I panicked a little, and after lots of waiting, I was finally alerted to the problem. I could not follow this blog. It had reached its limit. There are only 50000 (only!) followers allowed to follow blogger blogs, and that limit had been reached. Too many followers and now she will never know my love for her hilariously drawn portrayals of simple dog, her younger self or unicorns. I have been refused the right to follow her. There is a limit to the love allowed for her blog. And this saddens me.