Epic Fail

For those who are unaware, this month is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo. There are a number of copy-cat versions involving blogging, poetry and comic books but I am not concerned with those right now. The idea is that you write 50,000 words of fiction in one month. It's supposed to help get you writing and working past writer's block.

I fully intended on completing this challenge. However, when day one rolled around and I had no plot and only a few vague character outlines, I realized I was not likely to reach the word count. So I decided to modify the challenge for myself by making it about time. I decided that I would spend 1 hour each day writing. Alas, I haven't even been able to keep up with this demand. Not because I lack the time, but because I lack the will.

Four years of writing papers that you hate and researching things that mean very little to you really drains you of your drive and ambition. I used to be full of that stuff. Now I'm only full of that stuff when it comes to non-mental activities. I can go for walks, mindlessly web-surf or make cappuccinos for hours on end, but once I have to write something, my mind shuts off and decides that it hates me. The whole process just feels like a punishment.

I used to love writing, and to a certain extent, I still do. I think where I catch a snag is coming up with ideas. I've become conditioned to think that none of my ideas are good enough or planned out enough to go with. So I just sit there shooting down ideas until nothing is left.

Perhaps this is why I enjoy blogging. There's no fabrication of content because you're writing about your thoughts and experiences. It's all about describing what you know and feel. None of this tedious researching time periods and proper slang, no developing plot points or characters.You just say it like it is....and maybe fancy it up a bit.

Anyway...I suppose the point of all this is that I am publicly (sort of) confessing that I challenged myself and lost. I don't care to step up for this one. Which makes me a little sad, but I'm coming to terms with that.