Overwhelmed

The past few weeks, or rather the last week and a half or so, have felt as though they stretched on for eternity and yet I'm constantly disrupted by the feeling that time is going by too quickly. I've felt like this before, but each time it happens, I find myself unable to cope any better than the time before. I'm exhausted and full of energy at the same time, unable to focus on what I need to do, but all too ready to focus on what I don't need to do. As a result, I'm beginning to feel the added stress of the possibility of not passing my courses and thus not graduating.

Ok so, here's what's happened. I realized that though I find psychology to be interesting, I'm not so sure I want to work in the field of psychology. Then I recalled how happy I was when I was involved in numerous plays, writing and performing music, taking pictures, designing websites and writing stories. That motivated me to get back into those things and now that I've started, I feel as though I've opened Pandora's box and out came this flood of emotion and enthusiasm and I can't shut it off.

So I started looking into creative fields to work in. Film companies, casting agencies, freelance web design. I created a ReverbNation account and started trying to network with musicians. I started creating a web design portfolio. I started recording some of the songs I'd written. I emailed casting agents asking if they needed assistants. I feel like I can actually do anything in terms of what options are available to me.

Back to reality though, I have a thesis to write, a 3000 word term paper to research for and write, a presentation to do, a poster to make and exams to take, in addition to the regular amount of reading left in the semester. Here's the thing: there literally is not enough time in the day to do it all. Further, I find that I'm incapable of focusing on reading. Or writing. Or researching.

Yes, I'm only 22 and I've likely got another 50 years left (assuming I die of natural causes...which is a big assumption). Maybe it's because I'm taking a Death and Dying course in which there is much discussion of untimely deaths, but I really do feel like there is not enough time in my life to do all the things I want to do; to be all the things I want to be; and to live the life I want to live. I want to pursue music. I want to pursue acting. I want to pursue directing. I want to write. I want to be a photographer. I want to sing. I want to dance. Practice and maybe even teach yoga. Read as many books as I can on as many topics as I can. Learn many languages. Travel across the world. There is so much I want to do and I worry that I've already wasted 4 precious years of my early life that could have been spent doing the things I love doing instead of being trapped in a lecture hall reading until I can't see straight, too exhausted to conceive of having fun.

With all these thoughts floating around in my head, how can I possibly do the work that needs to get done in order to complete my degree? There's only one month left, and then I'm free, but I just don't know if I can do it.