Impatience

This whole not working and not studying thing is really making me impatient. I need a job soon so I can at least afford some better hobbies than internet surfing and daydreaming.

I started looking through the forum on acne.org to see if there were any convincing before and after pictures of people who had tried laser treatments. Wait, no, first I was looking for extreme makeover-type shows, but none exist anymore. Anyways, I ended up looking through before and after pictures for people who had used "The Regimen", and yes, everyone capitalized it as if it were a God. It started seeming cult-like and con-y, and yet I had gone on this regimen myself, though I had altered it a bit to suit my needs. It essentially did work. But I stopped using benzoyl peroxide, got stressed and switched medications. My acne came back with a vengeance, and the stress mixed with my inability to cope led to the old habit discussed earlier in this blog. My acne got worse and now, even though my skin is better than it was in my teens, I still feel like I'm right back at square one.

Here's where the impatience comes in. I could just wait a few weeks to let the switch in meds work its magic and try really hard not to touch my skin in the meantime. Logic would dictate this is the best course of action that would truly get down to the root of the cause...by only changing one thing at a time. However....as previously established, I've become impatient and want immediate results from something that takes lots of time. I'm going to venture out to Shoppers Drug Mart and pick me up some benzoyl peroxide.

Self-Improvement Challenge

So...I took a wee bit of a break from the milk mask. Partially because I've run out of honey to mix it with and partially because I realized that I was breaking out a lot because of a poor choice of medication so even if it was effective, I wouldn't notice until I switch meds. I've since seen the doctor and will be switching meds shortly. Then I'll resume the milk masks and watch it work its wonders.

On the clothing front: I got rid of clothes that were either disintegrating noticeably or didn't fit anymore and I've started, bit by bit, to add better pieces to my wardrobe. Just a couple shirts thus far, and they were from Value Village, but it's a start.

Hair-wise I'm planning on getting a REAL haircut, from a REAL hairdresser for graduation. Just something as a bit of a pick-me-up and hopefully it'll be more flattering than anything I'd be doing myself.

Health-wise, my husband and I have been doing a lot of sporty activities. Each day we play tennis or roller blade and other things might get thrown into the mix. I've also been trying to challenge myself in my morning yoga routine, toning muscles in my lower back and abs. Groceries have also been edited a bit. I've been trying to eat more fish and lean meat as opposed to the heavier meats and I've been buying more fruits and veggies than normal. I've also cut down on the sweets :(

So, lots of changes! I'm hoping they'll stick, but it is a challenge to fit it all into my daily routine....and it'll be even more of a challenge when I'm working all day. We'll see how it goes.

New Purpose in Life?

It is no secret that I am easily influenced. You may recall my last post made...a couple hours ago regarding using up the milk in my fridge with milk masks and bathing and whatnot. I YouTubed a ton of videos about milk masks, made a milk and honey mask for myself, put it on and while I was waiting for it to dry, started watching more beauty-related YouTube videos.

Through this random selection of videos, I stumbled upon Kandee Johnson's videos, went to her website and became completely captivated by her beauty abilities and the amount of discipline she seems to have when it comes to taking care of herself. I too like to think I take good care of myself, but I've been lacking quite a bit in my appearance over the past couple years. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and being unimpressed, so I think I'm going to embark upon a beauty challenge.

By beauty challenge, I don't mean that I'm going to try a 30 day detox, or a special diet or fitness program. I don't like gimmicky things like that because I find they don't tend to work. Instead, I'm just going to make it a personal goal to take better care of myself and to search for more and better ways to look and feel great.

A while back I tried to do a skin care regime involving a lot of benzoyl peroxide, moisturizer and exfoliant. It worked relatively well...sort of....after a long time, but it left my skin hopelessly dry and I felt dependent on all these harsh chemicals. Not to mention it was extremely costly especially since I've been a student for the past four years with more expenses than income, so really any amount of money spent on personal care seemed frivolous.

Then more recently, in part inspired by the frugality of it, I endorsed the no shampoo movement. This was a mixed blessing since I live in a city with very hard water. Hard water is the arch-nemesis of the no shampoo movement. Though my hair no longer had split ends and no longer became frizzy, it would often feel "gluey" so after almost a year, I was forced to go back to shampoo. Fortunately, I had learned so much about shampoo that I was able to go to Winners and get a massive bottle of Peter Coppola shampoo that smells amazing and isn't as harsh as most other shampoos. I spent $10 and use incredibly small amounts so it will last me a long time.

Then around New Years, I became aware of my particular form of OCD - skin picking. I hadn't really done anything about, at least not successfully but I'm contemplating a trip to the doctor for some help (as recommended by counseling services).

So really, there've been a number of ups and downs and confusing variables in my appearance and though I don't know exactly what's to blame, I have noticed a lot of breakouts that aren't healing well. I also cut my hair a few weeks ago in response to some fairly extreme stress....which kind of needs to be fixed. To add another layer to all of this, I've also been going through my clothes and realized that just about all of my clothes are either deteriorating or don't fit me so I need a new wardrobe and have no money to do it.

Sorry, I realized this post is very unstructured and rambly, but I felt it necessary to add in all the different angles to consider in my sudden, and possibly temporary, decision to improve how I look and feel. Summary: I'm broke but every aspect of my appearance has been degrading...rapidly...and it makes me sad.

What does this mean? I've got a fresh start and the motivation to make myself the best I can be. As I come across different things, I'm going to try them out and update you all on this blog. The first thing on the agenda is the milk and honey mask I mentioned before. You take nearly equal parts milk and honey (slightly more honey than milk though) and mix them really well so it's all a cohesive liquid. Spread it on your face with clean hands and let it dry for 10-15 minutes. Rinse with cool-ish water. Do it a couple times a week and there we go. I'll let you know how it turns out after a few times of doing it.