You know how when you're growing up, you hear time and time again that "if it's the right choice, you'll know"? I don't believe that anymore. I've striven to make the right choices in my life and I'm pretty sure the average person would say I made the right choices, but you never know for sure.
I always expected this "knowing" to be a very real, very visceral feeling that was undeniable. Moreover, I expected I would get this feeling in all situations wherein I must make a choice, no matter how small. What shirt should I wear? Should I walk or take the bus? Do I want to eat an apple or an orange? I figured there was a right answer to everything (e.g. to breathe or not to breathe? right answer: breathe) and that somehow I would intrinsically know what the right answer was.
What I have found to be true is that when it's the wrong answer, or at least when it's the worst answer, you tend to know it but not until after you've done it. But some, in fact many, choices are irreversible. It cannot be undone. So really, the odds of getting things right on the first try are about as good as chance. Maybe a little better if you're particularly logical, however logic doesn't always help.
How do you know what the right thing to do is? How do you live your life to the fullest without suffering horrible consequences? Where is that fine line?
There is no line.
I've found that the world is dynamic and ever changing. I've also found that things tend to work themselves out. When we make mistakes, we suffer the consequences, but the consequences are not always all bad nor are they everlasting. One saying that does tend to ring true: This too shall pass.
So I suppose I'll say that whatever it is that you're yearning for in life, just go after it. See where it takes you. Just try not to be stupid about it.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Signs
Astrology is one of those things, like the Tarot, that has been branded a con. Perhaps it is, but it can be very convincing at times. I'll be posting again about astrology, but for now I'm going to focus on specific predictions.
July has only just begun and already I'm seeing my horoscope unfolding before my eyes. The days surrounding July 6th (and later, the 26th) are supposed to bring unexpected news. Yesterday I received a number of pieces of news after weeks of nothing. I got the volunteer position at the Hillside Festival that I had thought I didn't get because it was taking so long to hear back from them. I also got two separate calls for setting up interviews, both of which I expected not to get for their own reasons. I also heard from my sister....the one who almost never talks to me, asking for advice on some things I really hadn't expected she would talk about, especially not to me.
Apparently today is also an important day. We'll see why I guess. Tonight is an open mic night that I've been agonizing over, unsure as to what will happen.
It's actually almost scary how accurate my horoscope tends to be from that website that I go to: http://www.astrologyzone.com
Wish me luck tonight!
July has only just begun and already I'm seeing my horoscope unfolding before my eyes. The days surrounding July 6th (and later, the 26th) are supposed to bring unexpected news. Yesterday I received a number of pieces of news after weeks of nothing. I got the volunteer position at the Hillside Festival that I had thought I didn't get because it was taking so long to hear back from them. I also got two separate calls for setting up interviews, both of which I expected not to get for their own reasons. I also heard from my sister....the one who almost never talks to me, asking for advice on some things I really hadn't expected she would talk about, especially not to me.
Apparently today is also an important day. We'll see why I guess. Tonight is an open mic night that I've been agonizing over, unsure as to what will happen.
It's actually almost scary how accurate my horoscope tends to be from that website that I go to: http://www.astrologyzone.com
Wish me luck tonight!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
"Parasitic Negativity"
Every morning, I wake up, make breakfast and sip my coffee while I check various places on the internet. My mail, Facebook, Twitter and a blog that I have been following for years. Dooce is the blog of woman who suffered post-partum depression along with a number of other mental ailments that have become far too common in modern times. She has written about her experiences, but more importantly, she writes about her life now and there are so many wonderful aspects to it. She shows hope where so many others have lost it. Beyond that, she writes with such a humourous style and wit that I keep coming back day after day to enjoy the laughs.
Today I checked her blog and found a post that shares the theme of what I had already planned on writing about today. A phenomenon she so aptly described as parasitic negativity. (Her post, however, is very, very different in content to my own as hers involves angry journalists and passionate women from Bangladesh.)
I, too, have noticed this parasitic negativity creeping in around me. It is very common among young university students and it has a very contagious quality, like a yawn. Insidiously it begins with a slight parting of lips, an intake of breath, and before you know it, you're deep in the thick of it, wide-mouthed and uncontrollable. One person begins pointing out flaws and calling them unacceptable, and the next person joins in and complains about the problems with this, that and the other thing. Before you know it, the entirety of one's company is full of hate, disappointment and harsh criticism.
I'll not pretend that I am impervious to this. In fact, it angers me because I feel so susceptible to it. The implicit message sent out when someone calls out problems with something or someone is that the speaker does not have those problems. Therefore, the speaker is superior to those that they denigrate.
When surrounded by these sorts of people, you cease to speak up and say that you like anything for fear that it will be harpooned and deconstructed in front of your eyes. Then all that is left to talk about are things that you dislike or are apathetic towards, which by the way, suddenly turns any conversation into an incredibly dull affair.
So, I say stand up! Be proud of the things you cherish. Gush about the positive things in your life and share that positivity with those around you. It may be more effort (and a fair bit more scary) to be positive rather than negative, but if you can do it with conviction, you might convince others to follow your lead. Negativity may be infectious, but positivity is inspiring and inspiration is what the world thrives on. Inventions, progress, and social movements are all born out of inspiration and enthusiasm. It makes heroes of the meek and leaders of the powerless.
Don't be a Debbie Downer; let those around you shine and maybe in time, you'll shine, too.
Today I checked her blog and found a post that shares the theme of what I had already planned on writing about today. A phenomenon she so aptly described as parasitic negativity. (Her post, however, is very, very different in content to my own as hers involves angry journalists and passionate women from Bangladesh.)
I, too, have noticed this parasitic negativity creeping in around me. It is very common among young university students and it has a very contagious quality, like a yawn. Insidiously it begins with a slight parting of lips, an intake of breath, and before you know it, you're deep in the thick of it, wide-mouthed and uncontrollable. One person begins pointing out flaws and calling them unacceptable, and the next person joins in and complains about the problems with this, that and the other thing. Before you know it, the entirety of one's company is full of hate, disappointment and harsh criticism.
I'll not pretend that I am impervious to this. In fact, it angers me because I feel so susceptible to it. The implicit message sent out when someone calls out problems with something or someone is that the speaker does not have those problems. Therefore, the speaker is superior to those that they denigrate.
When surrounded by these sorts of people, you cease to speak up and say that you like anything for fear that it will be harpooned and deconstructed in front of your eyes. Then all that is left to talk about are things that you dislike or are apathetic towards, which by the way, suddenly turns any conversation into an incredibly dull affair.
So, I say stand up! Be proud of the things you cherish. Gush about the positive things in your life and share that positivity with those around you. It may be more effort (and a fair bit more scary) to be positive rather than negative, but if you can do it with conviction, you might convince others to follow your lead. Negativity may be infectious, but positivity is inspiring and inspiration is what the world thrives on. Inventions, progress, and social movements are all born out of inspiration and enthusiasm. It makes heroes of the meek and leaders of the powerless.
Don't be a Debbie Downer; let those around you shine and maybe in time, you'll shine, too.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Fear
There are a number of emotions that are powerful in their own right, but none so profoundly widespread and limiting as fear. It binds us, restricts us and prevents us from acting upon our impulses and inspiration. This can, at times, be a positive force, preventing us from doing things that may cause damage to those around us. But oftentimes it is the primary barrier that each of us must overcome in order to achieve the goals we each strive for.
Fear has been the emotion that I personally have struggled with far more than any other emotion. I am not quick to anger, and much of my life is filled with love; I have made peace with sadness, but still I find myself completely floored by fear.
Perhaps it might be best to simply take it at face value and retreat whenever fear is present. Or perhaps I should go to the other extreme and confront each fear that faces me. I feel the best course of action is to navigate the middle ground and decide which fears are to be confronted, and which are to be respected. However, this presents the pivotal dilemma: which fears are which?
It frustrates me that there is no answer to that question. No matter where I look for the answers, there will never be an ultimate life dictator who knows absolutely what is right and what is wrong. If I go with my instincts, I may be wrong in the eyes of others, I may even be wrong in my own eyes, and there may never be any vindication.
Fear has been the emotion that I personally have struggled with far more than any other emotion. I am not quick to anger, and much of my life is filled with love; I have made peace with sadness, but still I find myself completely floored by fear.
Perhaps it might be best to simply take it at face value and retreat whenever fear is present. Or perhaps I should go to the other extreme and confront each fear that faces me. I feel the best course of action is to navigate the middle ground and decide which fears are to be confronted, and which are to be respected. However, this presents the pivotal dilemma: which fears are which?
It frustrates me that there is no answer to that question. No matter where I look for the answers, there will never be an ultimate life dictator who knows absolutely what is right and what is wrong. If I go with my instincts, I may be wrong in the eyes of others, I may even be wrong in my own eyes, and there may never be any vindication.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Exhausted
I spent all day today working away at job hunting. Handing out resumes, talking with prospective employers and finally networking with the locals. It was all very tiring, but I managed to get quite a few leads and, more importantly, a morale boost. It had been taking me so long to find a job, I was beginning to think I was just hopeless. Now I know I just need to be a little bolder. The more I talk to people, the more opportunities present themselves and the better off I am.
Furthermore, the more social risks and nudging of my comfort zone I engage in, the more confident I become and that also brings about positive change. For the longest time, I had been too shy or embarrassed to play guitar and sing while my husband was within earshot. I'm not sure why, but the smaller the audience, the more nervous I become...especially when the audience is comprised of people I care about. But because of this confidence boost I got, I felt comfortable playing tonight at home and managed to finish writing one song that I had started writing about a month ago, and then I started writing another! He even came out and told me how much he loved it when I sang and how he wished I'd do it more often.
Just goes to show, to me anyhow, the dramatic power we all have to shape our own lives and create the life we want. The smallest and simplest of changes can have incredible results. You just have to go after what you want and try not to get cold feet while getting it.
Furthermore, the more social risks and nudging of my comfort zone I engage in, the more confident I become and that also brings about positive change. For the longest time, I had been too shy or embarrassed to play guitar and sing while my husband was within earshot. I'm not sure why, but the smaller the audience, the more nervous I become...especially when the audience is comprised of people I care about. But because of this confidence boost I got, I felt comfortable playing tonight at home and managed to finish writing one song that I had started writing about a month ago, and then I started writing another! He even came out and told me how much he loved it when I sang and how he wished I'd do it more often.
Just goes to show, to me anyhow, the dramatic power we all have to shape our own lives and create the life we want. The smallest and simplest of changes can have incredible results. You just have to go after what you want and try not to get cold feet while getting it.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Overwhelmed
The past few weeks, or rather the last week and a half or so, have felt as though they stretched on for eternity and yet I'm constantly disrupted by the feeling that time is going by too quickly. I've felt like this before, but each time it happens, I find myself unable to cope any better than the time before. I'm exhausted and full of energy at the same time, unable to focus on what I need to do, but all too ready to focus on what I don't need to do. As a result, I'm beginning to feel the added stress of the possibility of not passing my courses and thus not graduating.
Ok so, here's what's happened. I realized that though I find psychology to be interesting, I'm not so sure I want to work in the field of psychology. Then I recalled how happy I was when I was involved in numerous plays, writing and performing music, taking pictures, designing websites and writing stories. That motivated me to get back into those things and now that I've started, I feel as though I've opened Pandora's box and out came this flood of emotion and enthusiasm and I can't shut it off.
So I started looking into creative fields to work in. Film companies, casting agencies, freelance web design. I created a ReverbNation account and started trying to network with musicians. I started creating a web design portfolio. I started recording some of the songs I'd written. I emailed casting agents asking if they needed assistants. I feel like I can actually do anything in terms of what options are available to me.
Back to reality though, I have a thesis to write, a 3000 word term paper to research for and write, a presentation to do, a poster to make and exams to take, in addition to the regular amount of reading left in the semester. Here's the thing: there literally is not enough time in the day to do it all. Further, I find that I'm incapable of focusing on reading. Or writing. Or researching.
Yes, I'm only 22 and I've likely got another 50 years left (assuming I die of natural causes...which is a big assumption). Maybe it's because I'm taking a Death and Dying course in which there is much discussion of untimely deaths, but I really do feel like there is not enough time in my life to do all the things I want to do; to be all the things I want to be; and to live the life I want to live. I want to pursue music. I want to pursue acting. I want to pursue directing. I want to write. I want to be a photographer. I want to sing. I want to dance. Practice and maybe even teach yoga. Read as many books as I can on as many topics as I can. Learn many languages. Travel across the world. There is so much I want to do and I worry that I've already wasted 4 precious years of my early life that could have been spent doing the things I love doing instead of being trapped in a lecture hall reading until I can't see straight, too exhausted to conceive of having fun.
With all these thoughts floating around in my head, how can I possibly do the work that needs to get done in order to complete my degree? There's only one month left, and then I'm free, but I just don't know if I can do it.
Ok so, here's what's happened. I realized that though I find psychology to be interesting, I'm not so sure I want to work in the field of psychology. Then I recalled how happy I was when I was involved in numerous plays, writing and performing music, taking pictures, designing websites and writing stories. That motivated me to get back into those things and now that I've started, I feel as though I've opened Pandora's box and out came this flood of emotion and enthusiasm and I can't shut it off.
So I started looking into creative fields to work in. Film companies, casting agencies, freelance web design. I created a ReverbNation account and started trying to network with musicians. I started creating a web design portfolio. I started recording some of the songs I'd written. I emailed casting agents asking if they needed assistants. I feel like I can actually do anything in terms of what options are available to me.
Back to reality though, I have a thesis to write, a 3000 word term paper to research for and write, a presentation to do, a poster to make and exams to take, in addition to the regular amount of reading left in the semester. Here's the thing: there literally is not enough time in the day to do it all. Further, I find that I'm incapable of focusing on reading. Or writing. Or researching.
Yes, I'm only 22 and I've likely got another 50 years left (assuming I die of natural causes...which is a big assumption). Maybe it's because I'm taking a Death and Dying course in which there is much discussion of untimely deaths, but I really do feel like there is not enough time in my life to do all the things I want to do; to be all the things I want to be; and to live the life I want to live. I want to pursue music. I want to pursue acting. I want to pursue directing. I want to write. I want to be a photographer. I want to sing. I want to dance. Practice and maybe even teach yoga. Read as many books as I can on as many topics as I can. Learn many languages. Travel across the world. There is so much I want to do and I worry that I've already wasted 4 precious years of my early life that could have been spent doing the things I love doing instead of being trapped in a lecture hall reading until I can't see straight, too exhausted to conceive of having fun.
With all these thoughts floating around in my head, how can I possibly do the work that needs to get done in order to complete my degree? There's only one month left, and then I'm free, but I just don't know if I can do it.
Friday, January 14, 2011
New TV
Yesterday was a day that my husband and I actually got to spend together. It's a rare occurrence, and thus when it happens, magical things also happen.
I suddenly became very inspired to create a home office for myself despite this being my last semester of school before moving across the province. This home office will only be in use for a maximum of 4 months. Yet, I was fiercely inspired so I went to the usual district and looked through Value Village and the Thrift Store looking for a desk/table/flat surface to begin my remodel. Alas I found nothing. So I asked a clerk to please check in the back room for a desk just in case they got one within the past few minutes. She did and upon returning empty handed, referred me to the BRAND NEW Goodwill down the street.
There had been a Goodwill in my area for several months now without me knowing. I rushed back home to tell my husband that we needed to go there instantly. We did and despite it being a relatively large Goodwill, with lots of other interesting things, there was nothing I could use for my home office.
There were, however, TVs. Now, our current tv technically works, but it is from about the mid 1980s and extremely frustrating when words pop up and you can't read them because the TV is so blurry. We saw one TV that was a good size and an ok price. I was hesitant because we couldn't really tell if it would be an improvement until we got it home and hooked it up, and by then it's non-returnable.
"You guys thinking about buying that TV?" A stranger had approached us. No doubt a student, mid to late 20s, likely high.
"Yeah," we said uncertainly.
"Do you want a free TV? I live just across the street and I'm moving so I need to get rid of it."
We pondered the offer and concluded that a free TV is far less of a gamble than a $10 TV, so we decided to take him up on his offer.
Turns out he did live across the street. He lived in a house, the driveway of which was situated in the middle of a T-intersection of the two busiest roads in all of Guelph. It was quite the adventure simply driving there. So we get the TV, and it's smaller than we would have liked, but free so we didn't complain. A roommate was there with the strange student and seemed to be considerably more inebriated, and both were giggling.
When we got back home, we disinfected every surface of the TV because we're a little worried about germs, especially considering the source, and we turned it on in the hopes that if Bed Bugs had crawled up in the nooks and crannies, they'd die of the heat. Once it was all hooked up and programmed, the difference was amazing. We could read words on it! The picture was clear! Red things didn't bleed into the rest of the picture and white things didn't glow. It was a glorious victory, and yet...it was considerably smaller than our old TV, and also than the TV we were looking at in Goodwill.
We decided that we'd go back to Goodwill and get the other TV too. The small one could be put in our bedroom for easy snuggling during movies. Except, when we got there, the TV had sold! Dissappointed, we went back home.
Then a thought crossed our minds. What if those guys weren't moving, but in fact were dumping their old TV on us so they could get the new, big TV?
Hmmmm.
I suddenly became very inspired to create a home office for myself despite this being my last semester of school before moving across the province. This home office will only be in use for a maximum of 4 months. Yet, I was fiercely inspired so I went to the usual district and looked through Value Village and the Thrift Store looking for a desk/table/flat surface to begin my remodel. Alas I found nothing. So I asked a clerk to please check in the back room for a desk just in case they got one within the past few minutes. She did and upon returning empty handed, referred me to the BRAND NEW Goodwill down the street.
There had been a Goodwill in my area for several months now without me knowing. I rushed back home to tell my husband that we needed to go there instantly. We did and despite it being a relatively large Goodwill, with lots of other interesting things, there was nothing I could use for my home office.
There were, however, TVs. Now, our current tv technically works, but it is from about the mid 1980s and extremely frustrating when words pop up and you can't read them because the TV is so blurry. We saw one TV that was a good size and an ok price. I was hesitant because we couldn't really tell if it would be an improvement until we got it home and hooked it up, and by then it's non-returnable.
"You guys thinking about buying that TV?" A stranger had approached us. No doubt a student, mid to late 20s, likely high.
"Yeah," we said uncertainly.
"Do you want a free TV? I live just across the street and I'm moving so I need to get rid of it."
We pondered the offer and concluded that a free TV is far less of a gamble than a $10 TV, so we decided to take him up on his offer.
Turns out he did live across the street. He lived in a house, the driveway of which was situated in the middle of a T-intersection of the two busiest roads in all of Guelph. It was quite the adventure simply driving there. So we get the TV, and it's smaller than we would have liked, but free so we didn't complain. A roommate was there with the strange student and seemed to be considerably more inebriated, and both were giggling.
When we got back home, we disinfected every surface of the TV because we're a little worried about germs, especially considering the source, and we turned it on in the hopes that if Bed Bugs had crawled up in the nooks and crannies, they'd die of the heat. Once it was all hooked up and programmed, the difference was amazing. We could read words on it! The picture was clear! Red things didn't bleed into the rest of the picture and white things didn't glow. It was a glorious victory, and yet...it was considerably smaller than our old TV, and also than the TV we were looking at in Goodwill.
We decided that we'd go back to Goodwill and get the other TV too. The small one could be put in our bedroom for easy snuggling during movies. Except, when we got there, the TV had sold! Dissappointed, we went back home.
Then a thought crossed our minds. What if those guys weren't moving, but in fact were dumping their old TV on us so they could get the new, big TV?
Hmmmm.
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